Identification and Self-Expression

t takes an enormous amount of work to first identify what we feel, and then learn how to express those feelings honestly.

Then it takes additional effort to truly understand the source of our feelings – the complex interaction of our ideas and our experiences of the world, and of others – and then it takes even

effort to accept the information and conclusions that our feelings provide us,

and act upon them

This complex dance is one of the greatest and most amazing experiences that life has to offer. Learning how to productively match the complexity of our inner experiences with the subtlety of our outer experiences is a truly magical journey.

Depth Right at the Surface

We so often feel that what is occurring for us emotionally in the very depths of our souls is somehow radically disconnected from the daily world that we live in.

When I first started going to therapy – I went for three hours a week for almost 2 years – I had a dream that I was being attacked by a hostile woman. I brought the dream in for analysis, spouting all this Jungian nonsense about how this angry woman was my

animus

, my female side and so on.

My therapist held up her hand and said:

“Perhaps, but let’s start with something a little more simple. Did you talk to your mother yesterday?”

Of course I had – and of course my mother

had attacked me.

This simple idea – an astounding revelation to me – that the depths of my unconscious was perfectly attuned to the realities of my daily experiences – completely changed how I viewed the value and purpose of my inner life.

As I continued in therapy, it became increasingly clear that my senses did not lie, and my unconscious did not lie – it was only my

conscious

mind, and my psychological defences, that were consistently and constantly misleading me through the endless invention of false narratives and imaginary cause-and-effect.

I was in fact a kind of

“truth sandwich.” My senses told the truth; my dreams told the truth – but in the middle was my conscious ego, which lied and evaded constantly.

Your dreams, your instinctual emotions

, your deepest and – as you think – most private experiences – are the greatest source of truth available to you, after your physical senses (and your greatest source of

moral

truth!).

Thus, learning to trust our instincts – rather than just

“follow the rules” (even philosophical rules) is essential for living a happy, safe, loving and productive life.

However, due to the fact that as children

our feelings and instincts are stifled, mocked and abused, it can take quite some time to become comfortable

feeling

them, let alone expressing them, understanding them and acting on them.