The Impossibility of Control…

T

his is a continual problem in our relationships

. In our own minds, we so often set up an absolute called: “

My spouse

must

do X

” – which we have absolutely no capacity to control or achieve!

This combination of an absolute requirement for a behavioural change in another person – along with a complete inability to effect that change – creates enormous tension, anxiety

and hostility in our relationships.

When I was stressed out about finding my passport, it was because I had an absolute goal,

but no direct control over my capacity to achieve that goal

.

Flying to

France required that I find my passport – but I had no direct control over my capacity to find my passport. I could do my best, of course, but in the end, either I would find it, or I would not. (I did find it, if you’re curious, and had a great trip!)