Follow the Benefit…

hen you are conflicted, your genuine emotional response is at war with the propaganda that has been inflicted upon you for the benefit of others.

But – how can you tell your genuine feelings from your propagandized defenses

Ah, that’s easy!

The

first thing

that you feel is your always genuine emotion – the

reaction

is always the propaganda.

In the example above, when the phone rings, you experience a sinking sensation

, followed by a dull litany of self-recrimination.

The sinking sensation

is your genuine emotion – the negative self-judgment that follows is the propaganda.

Secondly, all you have to do is play the game called

“Follow the Benefit.”

Whenever forensic accountants are examining a fraud

or embezzlement, they always “follow the money.”

In the same way, when you are attempting to untangle your healthy

flesh from your scar tissue – your true feelings from your propaganda – all you need to do is “Follow the Benefit.”

If your initial emotion is that you do not want to talk to your parents

, then clearly

you

will benefit from not picking up the phone.

However, when we begin to understand this process, it becomes clear that the phone call has actually begun long before we pick up the receiver.

Since we do not want to pick up the phone, it must be someone

else

who wants us to pick it up, if we end up answering the call.

In this example, clearly there are only two parties in the interaction. Since

you

will not benefit from picking up the phone – since you don’t want to – clearly, the guilt and negative self-talk that you experience on the heels of your initial desire to avoid your mother –

must come from your mother

Follow the benefit…

In the same way, if you ever dream of a life free from income tax, the guilt and negative self-talk that you experience on the heels of your desire for freedom clearly does not benefit you – thus it must benefit

others

. (For a hint, glance at any ballot.)

Win/lose. You win, your mother

loses. Your mother wins, you lose.

In positive and mature relationships

– in other words, in

voluntary

relationships – win/lose interactions are utterly unsustainable.

In relationships

that are either objectively or subjectively

involuntary

(state, religion and family),

win/lose interactions are the norm