Tempting Situations

What tempting situations are we talking about? There aren’t any, they don’t exist. If you were pulled from quicksand would you need to avoid certain situations in case you were tempted to jump back in? If you don’t want or need to drink and are relieved to be free, why would you need to avoid these situations? The beauty of understanding the nature of the alcohol trap is that you do not have to avoid any situations. One of the key methods in this book is to make certain you don’t. Every single moment that we have is to be savoured and not avoided.

When I was on the wagon for those three months I tried to avoid certain situations where I thought I would be tempted to drink. I avoided going out and socialising and when I did, I felt even more miserable than before. I still thought that I was missing out. I felt a lot more tempted to drink at those times than at any other but if you are tempted, you are tempted. If you believe you are making a genuine sacrifice then the advice to avoid situations where you might be tempted is ridiculous anyway. For how long exactly should you avoid social occasions? Well according to organisations like AA, it’s forever. That’s a pretty daunting prospect isn’t it? It really would confirm your belief that life is dull, boring and miserable without alcohol. This will in turn create even greater feelings of deprivation causing you to feel more than tempted to have a drink, and this is what

they call recovery. I call it penury. That is exactly what happened to me during those three months. The advice is even more stupid when you realise that some people are tempted to drink when they first wake up so does this mean they should never wake up again to avoid temptation? I suppose that would certainly solve their drink problem once and for all.

I cannot stress this point enough. There is no need whatsoever to avoid any situation that comes along. In fact it is important that you don’t, as it sends your brain completely the wrong message and you will start to think that life is not as enjoyable without a drink. People often ask ‘Should I avoid pubs?’ Why? That would be the same as vegetarians avoiding restaurants in case they are tempted to have a T-bone steak. Vegetarians are not tempted to eat meat even if everybody else is, regardless of where they are. They cannot be tempted because they do not want meat. There is no need at all to avoid any situation, including pubs, as the real pleasure you get is from the companionship. You may, however, find yourself no longer wanting to visit pubs all the time because when you are sober, you start to notice things like flock wallpaper and floral carpets, cigarette burns, the stench of alcohol, the mood changes and the overall dingy atmosphere of many of them. In fact, I think that many pubs should be renamed to give them a more realistic feel. For example, instead of ‘Ye Old Inn,’ ‘The White Horse’ and ‘The Crown and Anchor,’ how about ‘Ye Old Vomit Inn’ or ‘The Clown and Wanker’ and ‘The Violent Tavern’?

Am I suggesting that all pubs are like this? No, I’m not but you do need to realise that the main point of pubs is to enable people to get their drug fix. I still go to pubs, wine bars and clubs. If I am having a great time, excellent; if not, I know that a drink will not make the evening better as I realise that it is just a lousy evening or I am not in the mood. I am never genuinely tempted to drink. In fact it’s just the opposite. I go for the company, to socialise and have fun though this can sometimes be difficult in your regular run-down, dingy local. Once you are sober and physically and mentally free, you will start to see just how much more to life there really is.

Remember you stop drinking, not living. Once the poison has left your mind and body completely, it will not matter if it’s New Year, your birthday or a holiday as you simply will not miss drink. You will be able to celebrate just like you used to with dancing, good company , fireworks, good friends, laughter, having a blast. The difference will be that you will remember the entire evening and will wake up feeling refreshed and alive. The added bonus will be that you will always be able to drive yourself home.

This is another huge part of the alcohol problem, not only in this country but around the world. The brainwashing is so severe that the word ‘celebrate’ is linked to a drug; that drug being alcohol. This is because, from the moment we are born, we have been subjected to thousands of images of people celebrating all kinds of events with alcohol. Whether it’s a birthday or a lottery

win, drinkers will look for any excuse to celebrate, which means having a drink. Sport is always a good one. If your team wins, have a drink. If your team loses, have a drink. One is to celebrate, the other to drown your sorrows. If you do win the lottery, the first thing the organisers do is bring you a bottle of champagne (which is nothing more than a hyped up, fizzy, gone off fruit anyway). We have been so conditioned to link alcohol with celebration that the English footballer I spoke of earlier was even presented with a bottle of champagne for winning ‘Man of the Match’ after he had told the world that he was an alcoholic. Were they on a wind-up?

A woman once came to see me for a group session to stop smoking. At the end of it she was the only one in the small group who didn’t look very excited, which is unusual. I asked her if she looked forward to being a non-smoker and her answer came as something of a shock. ‘I was feeling really good, until you told me to go out and celebrate.’ I said, ‘What on earth is wrong with going out to celebrate and why wouldn’t you want to?’ She replied, ‘I am a recovering alcoholic and you have just told me to have a drink. That is very inconsiderate of you and I now realise that I cannot truly celebrate.’ I must admit, I thought I was hearing things. I had never once told her to go out and have a drink to celebrate; I had simply said ‘celebrate.’ I had almost forgotten that nearly everyone links that word with alcohol.

The singer Eric Clapton holds an annual New Year’s Eve party where all the guests are ex-addicts of some kind. He feels he cannot celebrate with normal people

and holds the party for people in a similar situation to himself. Why can’t he celebrate with people who drink alcohol? What’s stopping him? It is only one thing and that is his belief. While he believes he is abnormal for not drinking and that people who drink are normal , then he will always feel vulnerable. He will feel as though it’s something in him and not the nature of the drug. Celebration equals alcohol for the vast majority of people in this country as the two just go together.

I used to believe this too but not any more. I am now in the same position as I was before I was sucked in by this confidence trick. I celebrate by having nice people around me with good music and laughter; just having a good time and feeling good about the day or situation. It is sad to think that the woman at my clinic believes that she is still recovering from alcohol yet she hasn’t had a drink in three years. It is even sadder to think that she believes the only thing she can ever celebrate is the fact that she has stayed sober for that day, but in her mind she cannot even celebrate that because, to her, celebration means having a drink. She is not alone as nearly everyone does this. Make sure you don’t avoid any social situation as this is, without doubt, the best part of the method. It is one of my key instructions.

You will start to notice your windscreen wipers coming on every now and then (to refer to my earlier analogy) but you will also understand that, by building a mental muscle, you are reversing the massive alcohol brainwashing which has made you, me and millions like us victims of a very clever confidence trick. Remember,

the pain of stopping drinking is a myth; it is all in the mind. It is easy to stop drinking. It was only the feeling of deprivation that created the myth of ‘recovery.’ It was the feeling of ‘missing out’ that caused you to avoid situations when trying to stop or cut down in the past. Not only do you no longer need to avoid situations but, for the first time, you can enjoy more of them, more frequently, with an added sense of freedom and joy in the knowledge that you are no longer a slave to a drug but truly free to live your life as you now choose.

So, enjoy going out for a ‘non-drink’ and enjoy not needing a drink. It is a wonderful feeling and one that never goes away. Enjoy being in control and rejoice in your freedom. You will not be free if you are avoiding situations, so don’t avoid them; be totally free to participate knowing that you are in charge.

Another question that people often ask me is, ‘What do I drink instead of alcohol?’ The question seems logical enough but another very important part of this method is to realise that you do not need and should not search for any kind of …